Classic Rupert Holmes song writing

It goes like this;
Website effs up order
You search the help section for the solution to your specific situation, but alas it’s not there.
You click contact us and send an email
You get an immediate email explaining that they got your email and will respond in 24-48 hrs
The next day you get a generic email directing you to the help section on the website
You realize you have become a Ziggy cartoon
You go insane




Hey watch makers!
I need to be able to change my own battery…dig? Paying $21 to get a new battery put in an $80 watch is straight up BS. It’s a natural fact.


Sometimes it goes like this;
GNC sends me a coupon in the mail
I find the offer attractive
I go to the store where I originally signed up
They explain uh, yeah we’re not gonna have that at this location, you’re gonna need to go ahead and go to the mall location
I feel the bitter taste of betrayal, consumer betrayal


It’s fun to do your own Mystery science theatre gags. I was watching Them the sci fi movie from the 50’s, where giant fake ants attack. Everyone smokes the whole time, and they have these meetings in Washington where lots of Army brass gather around a conference table.,and they all have their own ashtrays. It’s funny to imagine them saying ‘we’re going to need a lot more cigarettes, if we are gonna stop these creatures’

Or not.